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Colts fire coach Chuck Pagano after a 4-12 season

 
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linlybest



Joined: 03 Jan 2018
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 4:09 am    Post subject: Colts fire coach Chuck Pagano after a 4-12 season Reply with quote

Fantasy sports are role playing games for people who believed they were too cool to get into Magic: The Gathering in high school. For those of us who participate, the draft is both an unofficial holiday and serious business. These three hours determine which carefully constructed roster of talented athletes will be making up for our own woeful athletic shortcomings over the course of the next three months. In theory, it's a pretty tough thing to screw up. But that doesn't stop these guys from trying:

The Fantasy Veteran is constantly explaining to anyone who will listen that football is the most popular fantasy sport because it requires the least amount of skill. He'll reference championships he's won in baseball, basketball and hockey, and will claim that whatever the most obscure sport he's ever played in his "fantasy career" (he'll pretend he's joking when he calls it this) is by far the most fun. He makes everyone else in the league feel a little less alright about themselves by referring to everyone as fantasy GMs, or fantasy owners, and if he's not the commissioner of your black friday cheap jerseys league, he's got lots of helpful advice for the poor bastard who is.

The first time anyone makes a pick he disagrees authentic jerseys wholesale with (this will include approximately all of them) he'll be the first to joke that they might be spending too much time with their girlfriend. He's less likely to mention the connection between his extensive fantasy prowess, and the fact that women describe his general demeanor as rape y.

Whereas the Fantasy Vet "can't believe you took Maurice Jones Drew because it's a non PPR league," this guy can't believe you took Jones Drew . because he was his very next pick! This guy finds it absolutely mind blowing that two friends using the same finite pool of news and statistics, would end up liking the same elite player. He'll make his presence known in the third round when he starts asking after the availability of whichever long retired player was most recently on Dancing With The Stars. But the late rounds are where the super fan really does his damage. The most surprising thing about the Superfan is how shocked he'll cheap jerseys be when his team sucks. His tactic ends up making the draft an hour longer with all the time people spend asking him to kindly shut the fuck up, but he doesn't care. This player will compete in your draft because he's friends with the other people in the league, but he'll go out of his way to talk about how he's not really taking your league seriously because there isn't any money on the line. If there is money on the line, he's in some other league with a $7,000 buy in, and he'll remind you several times throughout the draft that in his other leagues, he's got a much better team and has a shot at winning "some big dough."Awful Pick Guy

He won't say much during the draft, but every couple of rounds he will make a point to tell another player what an awful pick he just made. "Awful pick, bro," or "He sucks, that's a terrible call," are the most common variations of his go to line. When Ricky inevitably pulls his hamstring in the second game and then fails a drug test in mid October, this guy will complain about how his team would be so much better if not for injuries and suspensions. You'll recognize the Guy Who Drafts Ricky Williams from your fantasy baseball and basketball drafts, where he was The Guy Who Drafted Ken Griffey, Jr. and the Guy Who Drafted Grant Hill, respectively.

The Funny Guy can be expected to draft Jeremy Shockey fairly early and name his team "The Shockers," or draft Michael Vick and call his team The Electric Pit Bulls. This year he'll definitely be drafting the Bears' Adrian Peterson and then later offering him up in trades for first rounders. He'll also be drafting Cheap Seattle Seahawks Jerseys players with funny names, like Steve Breaston, Chad Ochocinco and Visanthe Schiancoe. When asked why he drafted Breaston so early, he'll likely tell you, "He was the breast available option."The Auto Drafter

There are excusable reasons to miss your fantasy draft. Guys have kids, get married, their wives find out about their kids and leave them. But there's always that one guy who can't be bothered to be at a computer for three hours out of the year, every year. The amount of fun you'll have in your draft will be inversely proportional to how many guys have shelled out the $12 for this statistical tome. If there are multiple Stat Guys, they will spend the first 15 minutes of the draft locked in an ideological battle over the Law of 370 as it pertains to Adrian Peterson and Michael Turner before moving on to countless other statistical debates that it would be literally impossible for anyone else in the league to give less of a shit about. The good news is, the only statistical probability that seems to come true year after year is that the Stats Guy never ever wins.
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